hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
