That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this just has baby written all over it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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