The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
