i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
