Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
