no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
