I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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