The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
