My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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