She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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