Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
