dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
