I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
