i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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