At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
