just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
