Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
