How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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