I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
