It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
