Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have feelings that need drinking.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
