the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
