Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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