I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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