??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
