My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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