Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
