I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
