For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
