id be glad to
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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