i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
