and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
