Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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