I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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