R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
