piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
