And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
