What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
