who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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