Can Purell be used as lube?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She bit a glass in half.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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