If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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