ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
