I bet he comes in French.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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