if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
