piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize