I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
