My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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