i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
