if you like me you must not know who I am
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
