ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
