Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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