I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
