I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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