She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
