I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
