I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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