He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
