hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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