is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
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