Your face is a jimmy john
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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