i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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