So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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