how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
