How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
