I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
