I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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